When Everything Hurts
Every night, as I tuck my three-year-old into bed and say goodnight, he asks me if I will “sleep” with him. This really just means he’d like to chit-chat and prolong going to bed. Regardless, when I oblige and lay down next to him for a few minutes, squeezing in between him, the wall, and 357 stuffed animals on his twin-sized bed, Cole invariably wraps his little arm around my chest, hangs on tight, and says with the utmost glee, “I keep you forever and ever. I love you so much!”
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The picture for this blog is a picture of me, sleeping on the floor in the Athens airport last summer. JP and I were traveling home after spending 10 days in Greece. It was a dream vacation and amazing in so many ways. I had no idea JP even took this one, though, until we made it back to Colorado and I scrolled through a bajillion pictures of our trip. I was stunned at how peaceful I look because the truth is, when this picture was taken, I was in an incredible amount of pain.
You see, a few days before our vacation was set to end, I got a bladder infection. This was nothing new to me; I’ve had plenty of them before. Just never in a foreign country. As I was hoping to avoid medical attention, I opted to self-medicate with obscene amounts of cranberry juice instead. Although, as JP would tell you, cranberry juice is incredibly difficult to find on a small Greek island, it did, indeed, help my symptoms. My infection, however, apparently continued to get worse, and by the time we started our journey home, I was in excruciating pain. From my rib cage to my pelvis, my entire core hurt so much I could hardly walk through the airport. My feet shuffled along, as I apologized to JP for being so slow. I desperately just wanted to be home, and I feared we might miss our scheduled flights because I was an inch – no, less than an inch – away from seeking an ER. I fervently prayed that God would just get me through the pain so we could make it back to the States, as planned and without incident. After all, we had five boys and a busy life awaiting our return.
God heard my prayers and gave me rest, right there on a dirty airport floor. He always meets us where we’re at. He provides rest even in our pain. (And we did make it home without any trips to the ER. Hallelujah!) But as I look at that picture now, I think God put His arm around me that night and said, “I keep you forever and ever. I love you so much!”
This is what the Lord says in Isaiah 43:1-3, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”
God says to us: You are mine. I am the Lord your God. So, no matter what we’re going through or what type of pain we’re in, He is always enough. Because we’re His. We belong to the Lord Almighty.
Today, I am so thankful that I have no infections, and I am not in any physical pain. But everything on the inside hurts nonetheless. I am emotionally drained. Exhausted. And I will spare you the long explanation of why and just say that the last several months have been a season of a lot of hard things. It seems like every time the sun starts to come out and I see that glorious sunshine on the horizon, another storm hits. Don’t get me wrong, rain is good. But endless rain can be difficult and tiring to navigate through. And our souls can feel like they’re drowning.
Friend, I don’t know what you’ve been going through lately, but maybe you can relate – physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or some combination thereof. If so, I just want to remind you, as I remind myself: God is enough. He is enough for me. And He is enough for you. He is greater than our pain; He gives us rest despite our pain, and His presence is with us through it all. We can be sure of Psalm 18:19, that He rescues us because He delights in us. He wraps His arms around us and keeps us forever and ever. Because He loves us so much!
